President Parrot

Jason walked up to the house, feeling a bit nervous, if he was being completely honest. Sure, they were his friends from high school, but until recently they hadn’t had any more contact than liking each other’s Facebook photos. He certainly hadn’t accomplished anything as impressive since he’d last seen them—well, nothing that would impress a produce-spawning superhero, anyway.

With a sigh, he knocked on the door. After a few moments of waiting anxiously—what if Google Maps has failed me and I’m at the wrong house and—Rachel’s familiar face appeared in the doorway.

“Jason!” she exclaimed. “Hi, come in. Scott is around here somewhere.” She turned around and called over her shoulder, “Scott! Jason’s here!”

“Coming,” Jason heard a voice say from further inside the house as Rachel stepped aside to let him in. He was feeling a bit better already: this definitely looked like the kind of house the Rachel and Scott he remembered would live in, with motivational posters that contradicted each other hanging on the same wall right alongside an unexplained tuba and an impossibly large pile of produce, which was sitting right next to—

A parrot?

Okay, that is new.

“You’ve got a parrot?” Jason asked Rachel, looking surprised. “You never really struck me as a bird person.”

“Well, you know that in high school I always had cats, but… I mean, he’s pretty cool. Hello, President.” She directed these last two words to the parrot.

“Hello,” croaked the parrot.

“You’ve named him president?” Jason repeated blankly.

“Well, Scott and I couldn’t decide who should be president of the produce company, so we… compromised.”

“And you couldn’t give him a proper name? That’s just sad.”

“Sad,” repeated the President.

“I stand corrected—he really is the president,” muttered Jason.

“Getting political, huh?” Rachel asked. “We do call him President, but technically his name is—”

Jason tuned out her answer as he thought of another flaw in her and Scott’s logic. “You couldn’t just be co-president?”

“That would just be too easy,” Rachel objected. “You can’t do anything that makes that much sense, Jason.”

Jason shook his head. “Your produce-spawning spree has made you two even stranger than you already were.”

“Because the ability to spawn produce in and of itself wasn’t strange enough for you?” Rachel asked.

“Fair point,” Jason conceded. Then he looked around, remembering that Scott still hadn’t shown up. “Where’s Scott?”

“SCOTT!” shouted Rachel.

“As soon as I finish this level,” came the reply.

“What’s he doing?” Jason asked.

Rachel rolled her eyes. “It’s this popular new game. You play as a guy called Scout who discovers he can spawn oranges. Scott’s really into it.”

Jason shook his head and said,

As the President once tweeted, “Sad.”

Previous adventures with Rachel and Scott can be found here.


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