A Fairytale For Space Orphans

“Alright, kids, settle down, settle down. Get all snuggly under your scratchy blankets. Everyone good? Cold? Nothing I can do about that. Okay. This is a story that has been told in the orphanage for generations….

“Once upon a time, there was a little boy. If you were to ask him what he wanted to he when he grows up, he would tell you “I want to rule all the dimensions!” At this point you would notice the odd similarity in his face to a a certain man who also wanted to rule everything, and you would remember that this child is never with his father, you would leave the boy as soon as you could. No one wants to be seen with a potential villain who might be the son of a villain.

Now, the boy was not stupid. In fact, he was quite the opposite. He was a genius. As such, he was painfully aware of how everyone reacted to him. Even his own mother seemed wary of him, though she claimed to love him with all her heart. He could tell that she was lying. But that didn’t change the fact that he still wanted her to love him.

For years he did everything he could to make her love him. He made mini worlds, complete with life forms, and exploded them so he and his mom could watch the fireworks. When she asked him if the life forms were necessary, he said “Well, yes. It is their screams that make that musical fireworks noise.” She banned him from created worlds after that. Then he tried to build two warp cores so he could plug them into each other and punch a hole into another dimension so his mom could go on an adventure with him, but she shut that down when she noticed him trying to smuggle in pieces after he had snuck out of the house. She made him return everything he had stolen and apologize to every store owner.

Pretty soon after that the mother made the boy go to Superhero School. It was a school for gifted children who wanted to help make the universe a better place. She thought it would help her son become less likely to try to take over all the dimensions.

The boy did the best he could to get good grades and impress his mother, but it never worked out. Whenever one of his classes had a project where they were supposed to help people, he always ended up ruining it. He often hears things such as

“You could have helped the tsunami victims, but instead you systematically eradicated one third of the world.”

Most times this is followed by a disappointed sigh and shake of the head.

Yet, despite all of that, he somehow made it to his senior year at SuperHero school. The students were allowed to do any project they wanted, as long they were helping someone or something. The boy saw that this was his chance to go to another dimension. He said he didn’t just want to help this dimension, he wanted to help all the dimensions. So he got a few warp cores from his teacher and plugged them into each other.

I think that was the part where he accidentally blew up the universe.”

“And that is why you don’t try to make your mother love you. Either she does, she doesn’t, or she’s dead. Good night orphans.”


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